hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
