I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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