is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
