Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
