Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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