Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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