im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
