I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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