why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize