About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
