She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
