nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
