Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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