so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
