Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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