i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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