I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
