As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
