dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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