How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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