You can't special order awesome
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
