Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
