I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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