i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize