I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
