escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
