You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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