Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
