Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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