a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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