I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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