I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Never underestimate the power of titties
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