She is in my trunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
