and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize