Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
