nut hugger
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
