the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
