god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize