Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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