I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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