it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize