I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
