She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
