If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
