God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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