His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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