Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
