If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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