Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
