why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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