I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
