**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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