I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
