you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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