I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
