No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
