whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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