id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
