it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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