I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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