eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
