if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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