I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
