Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
