Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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